Crushing Rejection In It's Tracks
You can spend an awful amount of time believing that you have been rejected by someone when in fact you are the one who has made a conscious effort to walk away from a person you know is behaving in a manner that is not healthy for you.
Your gut instinct is a good indicator of appropriate behaviours. However often human beings interpret inappropriate behaviour towards them as a reflection of another persons feelings towards them, when in fact the negative behaviours are a reflection of issues and circumstances rather than feelings.
For instance, a child may interpret a father distancing himself when entering into a new relationship after a divorce as a sign he no longer loves her. However, the behaviour is not reflective of his love for his child. It is a reflection of circumstance - eg as a result of entering a new relationship in which the new partner wants him to distance himself from his child, he no longer has the strength to maintain the same close relationship with his daughter. The daughter in turn gets upset and begins to distance herself from her father because she no longer wants to get hurt.
In this example the daughter is likely to think that her father has rejected her and no longer loves her. However, the truth is really that she has decided she does not want a superficial relationship with her father and as such has decided to walk away. Her father simply cannot give her what she wants - in his current world of experience. His behaviour has nothing to do with his feelings towards her. He still loves her the same amount. His behaviour has just changed - not his feelings.
Who Says You Have To Accept Rejection?
The way you interpret the behaviours of others in your life directly impacts how you perceive yourself and your level of overall happiness in life. For instance you may interpret that a friend who always waits for you to invite her out (& rarely invites you first) doesn't really like you. However, this is not likely to be true. In fact her behaviour is most likely the result of her being too busy and just relying on you to be the 'organiser' within the relationship. In this situation, you then have the right to decide if this is the type of relationship you would like and to voice your feelings about the current situation. The worst thing you can do is just sit back and make false assumptions about how she feels about you and hence leer your self-esteem.
So really think carefully before you interpret someone behaviour as a rejection of you. It's important to be mindful of you perceive others because it directly impacts how you feel about yourself and often our assumptions about how others feel about us are completely untrue.
Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac
Personal Development Coach & Author
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